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We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programing

 

The dilemma is real: you’re at the grocery store on the way to the crag, you’re not working regularly so you need to make your cash stretch as far as possible, but the thought of spending an evening with the local scene fully sober makes going home and watching TV like a normal person seem like a good idea. What’s the most drunk you can get for your money? What forms of alcohol are the most palatable after a hard day of climbing? How badly do you need to forget that you live in a van? This post aims to examine all these questions in detail.

 

Cheap box wine (red)

approximate cost: $15 for 5 liters

approximate % alcohol: 12

pros: Room temperature is perfectly fine, very drinkable for the percentage of alcohol, goes well with many crag foods, sold in large quantities, lightweight packaging

cons: Just not that refreshing, tastes weird when actually warm

 

40 oz malt liquor

approximate cost: $4 per bottle

approximate % alcohol: 8

pros: Hands down the most drunk you can get for under $5, very drinkable if freshly purchased

cons: Must be kept in cooler if not consumed immediately, generally sold in glass bottles (heavy)

 

Cheap gin

approximate cost: $20 for half gallon

approximate % alcohol: 40

pros: Probably the most alcohol per volume per dollar you’re going to get

cons: Best if mixed with tonic water, requires a chaser or a sturdy constitution otherwise

 

PBR

approximate cost: $6 for six pack

approximate % alcohol: 4

pros: Basically lightly flavored alcoholic water

cons: Basically lightly flavored alcoholic water, kind of gross when warm

 

Pacifico

approximate cost: $10 for six pack

approximate % alcohol: 4

pros: Tastes better than PBR

cons: Costs more than PBR

 

Tequila

approximate cost: $30 for quart

approximate % alcohol: 40

pros: Makes you feel like you are actually partying instead of sitting around binge drinking

cons: Really fucking gross unless you’re already buzzed

 

Conclusions: the optimal choice varies from situation to situation; wine or hard liquor is best if immediate consumption is not on the table, both are also preferable if there is any kind of hike involved, as they have more alcohol for their weight. Beer is best for larger gatherings as it is more easily shared without the need for glasses. Dividing out a case of beer is also better, as it makes it harder for one person to drink more than their share without being noticed. If you don’t want to share your beer, malt liquor is a good option. Hard liquor is best when you need to forget where you are pronto, but be sure to prepare your sleeping arrangement before you start.

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